Recently I have had to deal with my mothers hospitalization. She is continuing to gain strength daily. I wanted to say that overall the health care workers that I have dealt with in several hospitals were wonderful and caring people. I know that there are always exceptions to this but many of the people went above and beyond what was necessary to reassure me and help my family with this process.
To give you an idea of how overwhelmed that I was, well it is now after Easter and my Christmas tree is still up. I normally have it down sometime the first week of January but that is when my mom was hospitalized. It is at least an artificial tree and I have managed to undecorate it. The decorations are boxed up in the middle of my dining room. A friend suggested that I just keep it up and switch the decorations.
Many friends and family members called, messaged, or contacted our family wanting information on her condition or asking what they could do to help. For the most part my brother and I didn’t know what to ask or answer. We both went to work, took care of things at her house, and visited her. We were continuously asked “What can I do to help?” The answer for the most part is pray. Many things we had to do for ourselves, other people just couldn’t do them. So, I have thought about what we dealt with and discussions with other friends as to how people could help.
Don’t continually ask for information - By the time I had taught school, ran home to walk my dog, drove the half hour to the hospital, visited for a few hours, and then drove home I was exhausted. I didn’t want to talk to people much less answer numerous questions about her condition. I also didn’t want to give daily detailed medical information on social networking sites. Instead my brother and I split stuff - we would either message or call a few people who relayed information to others. It is not that we don’t like you or didn’t want to talk to you but by the end of the day we were doing good to remember our names by that point. We would get easily frustrated and impatient and did not want to take it out on people that were genuinely concerned. It is also deeply emotional which was also tiring. I still haven’t went through all of my messages, but that isn’t that unusual for me, and I will eventually delete them.
Mail cards or send messages - Not just to the patient but to the family as well. My mother appreciated all of the cards that she was sent. While she was in ICU she really couldn’t have a lot of things so she didn’t need gifts. But more importantly my brother and I appreciated the cards and messages to us because we needed the prayers and good thoughts as well.
Don’t expect to be asked for help - Really the offers were great but I doubt my dog would let anyone in my house so that they could walk her. My mom wouldn’t want people going through her papers trying to locate information for the insurance or doctors. Also I had no idea what to ask for - it would have been great for someone to clean my house but again the dog wouldn’t let you in and I am embarrassed about how many things slid while I was rushing back and forth.
Give food - One of my co-workers brought extra to lunch so that she could share with me. After my mom was released from the hospital, friends worked out a meal schedule so that we didn’t have to cook for the first week.
Be a friend - To my friends who listened to me vent about those that drove us crazy asking for details or just let me talk about nothing without asking for details, thank you. A simple “How is everything?” or “How are you doing?” is all that is needed. Also thanks for the funny pictures and stories that you sent. It helped to get my mind off of things.
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